2007 NBA Draft
Before I get started, I wanted to acknowledge that yes, I read Bill Simmons. He is in fact my favorite sports writer. But let me be clear: I am not stealing his opinions, and I never will. The reason I like him so much is that he thinks much the same way I do. We probably read a lot of the same draft literature, and our opinions will converge at times. Actually, I just read his draft diary for this year, and we wrote down the exact same Stephen A. Smith quote. Coincidence? Unless you think I’m just aping his material, it is. And if you think that, well stop reading now, and who needs you anyway?
So without any further ado (man I’m starting to overuse that phrase the way Stephen A. uses “At the end of the day”), these are my thoughts from an event I looked forward to for months, the 2007 NBA Draft.
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But of course, the NBA Draft can’t really start without the appearance of NBA Commissioner/Commandant David Stern. And I’ve got to say – what a hairpiece. How do I know he’s wearing a toupee? His shiny silver hair is too perfectly matted; he looks like my rabbi.
By the way, when Stern (or any league commissioner for that matter) comes out, why does he put the first team on the clock? The Blazers have had the first pick in the draft for over a month. Do they really need another five minutes?
We all know they’re taking Greg Oden anyway. Or as Stephen A. put it, “They better pick him – THAT’S THE SENSIBLE THING TO DO.”
Is it just me, or is Stephen A. a caricature of himself at this point? Before, he used to work himself up to the screaming. Now, it’s like he only has one setting. “SLAVA MEDVEDENKO? HOW are the LAKERS, gonna make the PLAYOFFS, with SLA-VA MED-VUH-DENKO?!!”
I wonder what he’s like at home. “Honey, WOULD YOU BRING ME MY BREAKFAST ALREADY?! And please, TWO SUGARS, WITH MY COFFEE!!!”
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Oden, by the way, is not only a sure bet to be the franchise center the Blazers need, he is also the funniest, nicest, and most genuine guy to come into the NBA in years. When Stuart Scott asks him, “Who looks older, you or LeBron James?” Oden just laughs it off and says “Me, I can’t disrespect LeBron like that.” If Stu Scott asked me that, I would have shot back “Who looks like they got their glasses from Hot Topic more, you or Scott Van Pelt?”
It is at this point in the draft that I start making animal noises.
“OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH that’s unbelievable! The Sonics just picked the Celtics pocket!”
That is my exact reaction when it is announced that the Celtics just traded the 5th pick in the draft, Delonte West, and Wally Szczerbiak for Ray Allen (and a second rounder, which will turn into Glen “Big Baby” Davis). Ray Allen is a great shooting guard, probably one of the best in the league, but for how long? He’s 32, the age when shooting guards go south. Meanwhile, having snagged the Celtics first rounder, the Sonics can now pair almost anyone they want from the most loaded draft class in years with Kevin Durant for the next decade. Oh, but the Celtics will have Paul Pierce and Ray Allen. That’s good enough to lose in the Eastern Conference playoffs for a couple years.
Durant, meanwhile, looks very sharp in his suit and longhorn-orange tie and shirt. Lord, he is going to be the most exciting player in the NBA very soon.
Mike Tirico asks Blazers GM Kevin Pritchard, “How close did you come to taking Kevin Durant?” Pritchard gives a diplomatic answer, but what’s he’s really saying is this: not close at all. You see, Oden is a center and the GM Handbook says you always take the center first, because if you don’t, you might get fired. Oden was a Blazer from the instant they won the lottery.
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With the third pick in the draft, the Atlanta Hawks select….Al Horford? They actually took the third best player in the draft. I’m stunned. They haven’t made the right pick in years. More surreal than the Hawks getting it right though, is watching Big Al Smooth doing the Gator chomp on stage. He and Corey Brewer were in my RTV4500 class last semester, barely four months ago, and now they’re NBA millionaires. Amazing. This really is a great pick for Atlanta though. After Oden, Horford is the only player in the draft with NBA-ready low-post moves. He will be the best player on that team for years.
With the fourth pick, Memphis takes Ohio St. point guard Mike Conley, Jr. Great pick. It’s been said before, but he really does look like the second coming of Tony Parker.
And the player the Sonics choose to wed to Kevin Durant is…Jeff Green. I don’t know if he’s the fifth best player in the draft (the Gator in me is fiercely calling for Noah or Brewer), but I still love the move for the pick and Delonte West. I can’t wait to watch the Sonics this year. Oh, but enjoy Ray Allen Boston!
By now I have seen close to seven million Sprite commercials. You know, the Sublymonal Messaging campaign? Honestly, I think there’s something really wrong with those ads. This is a good time to point out that when watching TV with a group of people, you absolutely HAVE to mute the commercials. It’s hard to start a conversation when some redneck in a cowboy hat keeps screaming at you to buy his trucks. Muting commercials is just a good idea in general – that crap will rot your mind.
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With the sixth pick, the Milwaukee Bucks risk an international incident by taking Yi Jianlian, a Chinese forward who’s said there are only a few teams he wants to play for. Milwaukee wasn’t one of those teams. Yi looks like someone just shot his dog. I’m glad the Bucks took him. I’m sick of players dictating where they are going to play. You don’t want to play in Milwaukee, Yi? Too bad, go back to China. I doubt the Bucks will hang onto him though. The Chinese government is going to force a trade to the Warriors, you wait and see. I hear they’re big Golden State fans.
With the seventh pick, the second Gator is off the board. That’s right, Corey Brewer is headed to Minnesota! Not so hot for Brewer, but good for the T-Wolves. They need players, and Corey is a good one. I don’t know why people keep talking about him as a 2-guard though. While he can guard just about anyone, with his length and athleticism Brewer was born to play small forward. With Brewer and Randy Foye in hand, plus the goody basket they will get for trading Kevin Garnett, Minnesota is primed for a rebuilding. Good luck. In the West, they’re gonna need it.
In the worst pick of the draft, Charlotte takes Brandan Wright over Joakim Noah. Show of hands – who thinks Wright would have started at UF? He would have been lucky to get off the bench before Chris Richard. Wright has issues with effort, and refused to compete against other players (Noah specifically) in pre-draft workouts. But he’s a Tar Heel, so Michael Jordan thinks he’s good. You know Michael Jordan, he’s the guy who took Kwame Brown #1 overall in 2001. Are all great players destined to be crappy GMs? Jordan, Bird, and Isiah Thomas may have once been All-Stars, but they couldn’t pick one out of the night sky. [Jordan would later turn around and flip Brandan for Jason Richardson. Good move. He must have realized that Wright has the same tools and upside as fellow UNC great Marvin Williams.]
Noah goes off the board with the very next pick, ninth to the Chicago Bulls. A great pick for them, and as a Gator, I’m happy for Noah. The Bulls are now the best or second best team in the East. As a Heat fan, I’m pulling my hair out. Noah gives the Bulls size and defense they sorely needed, and now I’m going to have to root against him in the playoffs. In a related note, ESPN just showed a Bulls fan holding up a sign that read, “Thanks, Isiah.”
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Spencer Hawes goes tenth to the Kings, who are clearly trying to win next year’s lottery. Now, I’m not usually one to put stock in stereotypes, but I assume that all white 7-footers are stiffs until proven otherwise. With players like Julian Wright and Thaddeus Young still on the board, this is the first bad pick of the draft, in my opinion.
What’s stranger, that I would bet my life that Acie Law would be the 11th pick in the draft, or that the Hawks would do the right thing and take him? This is truly astounding. It appears as if Atlanta has made two good draft picks in a row. With Horford and Law, and Joe Johnson and Josh Smith waiting in the wings, the Hawks couldn’t have picked a better year to change uniforms. Their old ones had the stink of losing of them, and now that it appears the Hawks might turn the corner, this is the perfect time for them to make a switch, like the Cavs did the year they drafted LeBron. Hawks GM Billy Knight appears on ESPN to what must be the first positive draft reviews he’s ever received. Not to rain on his parade, but Knight looks like someone the Hawks just picked up off the street. If I were guessing his job from his attire, I would say used car salesman. Just kidding Billy, the blazer and t-shirt is a great look for you.
By taking Thaddeus Young at 12, the Philidelphia 76ers start a run of teams drafting good forwards that continues with Julian Wright to the Hornets at 13, and Al Thornton to the Clippers at 14. This is a good time to point out that teams have drafted surprisingly well this year. Too well, you might say. There’s not a Nikoloz Tskitishvili or Rafael Araujo in sight. Even the Hawks have drafted well. And – OH-MY-GOD. Isiah Thomas just made a good trade (Zach Randolph for Steve Francis and Channing Frye). This is either a sign of the apocalypse, or a salary dump by the Blazers, who clearly just decided that they don’t want Greg Oden and Zach Randolph to even meet, ever. The JailBlazers era is officially over. But the time of the Four Horseman might be just beginning.
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With the lottery done, and the top Gators already off the board, the rest of the draft was a disappointment for me (except for when Knicks fans started booing their pick before he was announced. That was pretty funny). The problem lies with my own team’s draft pick, Jason Smith Daequan Cook. I wanted the Heat to pick up someone like Jared Dudley at 20, someone who might have actually seen the floor at some point this season, instead of Cook, who’s never getting off the bench. Clearly, I take the draft more seriously than Pat Riley, whose mantra is “Rookies don’t make the rotation.” I should have remembered this after the Heat traded for Cook, but I didn’t. I waited like an idiot for the Heat’s second round pick, eagerly anticipating Taurean Green falling right into Miami’s lap. He’s a sick point guard, he’s a Gator, and he’s a perfect fit for the Heat, right? Amazingly, he was still available at 39, despite being #1 on Jay Bilas’ Best Available list for half an hour or so. So what happens? With the 39th pick in the draft, the Miami Heat select….Stanko Barac. Stanko? STANKO?!?!!?!?!? We passed on Taurean Green, two-time National Champion, a potential starter for the Heat, for someone named Stanko?!!!! I’ve never even heard of Stanko, and I’ve heard of EVERYONE. Even worse, (or better, I can’t decide) The Heat didn’t even keep Stanko, trading him for a second round pick in 2009.
This is one of the most historic drafts of all time, with Greg Oden, Kevin Durant, and the two-time National Champion Gators all entering the league at the same time. But at the end of the day, what I might remember most from the 2007 draft is the Heat passing on not only Jared Dudley and Taurean Green, but a host of players including “Spanish sensation” Rudy Fernandez, the Spurs “Great pick” Tiago Splitter, and Glen “Big Baby” Davis. And that’s just who we missed with the 20th pick. In the second round, we could have had the all-around game of Derrick Byars, the pure point skills of Jared Jordan, or the size and athleticism of UF super-sub Chris Richard. Instead, the Heat now owns Daequan Cook (must improve: basketball skills, coach-ability) and a 2009 second round pick.
And you know something? That really Stanks. The Heat is a team looking to win now. In the NBA, you’re either building for the future (like the T-Wolves, who should have traded Garnett for picks and young players) or you think you’re a contender (like the Heat), in which case, you need to push all-in. Well, the Heat is a couple players short of a championship right now, and since Riley doesn’t think the draft has anything we need, he better pull a rabbit out of his damn hat, a blockbuster trade along the lines of Eddie Jones and change for Walker, Posey, and Jason Williams. Hey, the Kings are a team that needs to blow it up. Maybe we can get Mike Bibby and Ron Artest off them for that 2009 second rounder. Or not.
But enough about the Heat. Here are the 2007 NBA Draft Winners and Losers.
Winners: The draft was yesterday! How am I supposed to know which teams “won” before any of these rookies plays a single game? Come back in two years.
Losers: The Celtics, for trading their pick, and The Knicks, for hiring Isiah Thomas. (Seriously though, I loved it when Stephen A. called the Bobcats losers for getting Jason Richardson and Jared Dudley. What the hell do you know anyway?)
Well, that’s a wrap for NBA Draft 2007. Tune in next year, when I ridicule the Rockets for taking Hasheem Thabeet over Andrew Ogilvy!
Until then, I remain
THE Andrew Meyer
Money in the bank.
This man has Tourette’s, do not listen to him.
